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Basic Human Social Rights

Basic Human Social Rights & Responsibilities

  1. You have the right to have your own internal experience:

    1. You have the right to have whatever feelings, emotions, or moods arise. You have the right to feel all of your emotions.
      1. You have the right to be angry if mistreated.
      2. You have the right to be scared if you feel unsafe.
      3. You have the right to be sad, down, or moody.
      4. I have the right to be happy.
    2. You have the right to think whatever thoughts arise.
    3. You have the right to have your own opinions, beliefs, and values.
    4. You have the right to set your own priorities.
    5. You are ultimately responsible for your own internal experience.
      1. Your reactions are ultimately your responsibility.
      2. You are responsible for dealing with your own internal experience—no one else is responsible for “making” you feel better.
      3. Likewise, you are not responsible for others’ internal experiences or trying to “make” them feel better.
    6. You have the responsibility to allow others to have their own internal experience, without feeling responsible for it or for trying to change it.
  2. You have the right to express your feelings, opinions, and beliefs.

    1. You have the right to disagree with others’ opinions.
    2. I have the right to protest if mistreated.
    3. You have the right to say "I'm afraid" if you feel scared.
    4. Expressing yourself does not obligate anyone to agree. Since each person has the right to evaluate information, make up their own minds, and take responsibility for their own decisions, you need not feel guilty or responsible for others’ decision to agree or disagree with you.
    5. You have the responsibility to express your feelings, opinions, and beliefs in ways that do not violate others' rights.
    6. You have the responsibility to allow others to express their own feelings, opinions, and beliefs in ways that do not violate your rights.
  3. You have the right to make your own decisions and choose your own actions.

    1. You have the right to live your own life as you choose.
    2. You have the right to decide what is best for you.
    3. The behavior of others may have an impact upon you, but you determine how you choose to react and/or deal with each situation. Others may influence your decision, but the final choice is yours.
    4. You are responsible for the consequences of your decisions and actions.
    5. You have the responsibility to choose actions that do not violate others’ rights.
    6. You have the responsibility to allow others to make their own decisions and choose their own actions as long as they do not violate your rights.
    7. You have the responsibility to let others be solely responsible for the consequences of their own decisions and actions.
  4. You have the right to be your own judge of your decisions and actions.

    1. You have the right to act for your own benefit rather than for someone else’s benefit.
    2. You have the right to act against someone else’s wishes.
    3. You do not need to rely upon others to judge your actions. Others may state disagreement or disapproval, but you have the option to disregard their preferences or to work out a compromise. You may choose to respect their preferences and consequently modify your behavior. What is important is that it is your choice.
    4. You have the responsibility to let others be the judge of their decisions and actions.
  5. You have the right to change your mind or act inconsistently.

    1. Human life is rarely constant or rigid. Changing one’s mind or behavior is normal, healthy, and conducive to self-growth. Others may try to manipulate you by judging or asking you to defend your inconsistency.
    2. You have the responsibility to allow others to change their minds and act inconsistently.
  6. You have the right to have no reasons to justify your decisions or actions.

    1. You have the right to give no reasons or excuses to justify your decisions or actions. You have the right to resist being defensive or being “put on the defensive”.
    2. You have the right to be illogical in making decisions or to simply not know why you decided or acted as you did. As humans, we sometimes use logic and sometimes not.
    3. Others may try to manipulate you by demanding to know your reasons and trying to persuade you that you are wrong, but you are the ultimate judge.
    4. You have the responsibility to allow others to have no justification for their actions as long as they do not violate your rights.
  7. You have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.

    1. You have the right to all of your human weaknesses and limitations without guilt or shame.
    2. Imperfection is part of the human condition. Others may try to manipulate you, by trying to make you believe that your errors are unforgivable, that you must make amends for your wrongdoing by engaging in proper behavior. If you allow this, your future behavior will be influenced by your past mistakes, and your decisions will be controlled by the opinions of others.
    3. You have the responsibility to accept the consequences of your mistakes.
    4. You have the responsibility to allow others their weaknesses without ridiculing or resenting them.
  8. You have the right to say “no” to requests or demands without feeling guilty.

    1. You have the right to say “yes” or “no” for any reason, without needing to explain or feel guilty.
    2. You have the responsibility to say “no” if you think the request or demand is unsafe, coerced, or is something you will resent doing.
    3. You have the responsibility to allow others the right to say “no”.
  9. You have the right to ask for what you want.

    1. You have the right to state my own wants and needs, without feeling guilty.
    2. Expressing your wants and needs is not coercing or demanding. Expressing your wants and needs does not obligate anyone to respond. Since each person has the right to say “no” and take responsibility for their own decisions, you need not feel guilty or responsible for others’ decision to give or not give you what you want.
    3. You have the responsibility to allow others the right to refuse my request even though I might not like being refused.
    4. You have the responsibility to avoid demanding or coercing others to give you what you want, these strategies attempt to take away others’ right of choice.
  10. You have the right to refuse to be responsible for others’ behaviors, actions, feelings, or problems.

    1. You are ultimately responsible for your own psychological well-being and happiness and not ultimately responsible for anyone else.
    2. You may feel concern and compassion and good will for others, but you are neither responsible for nor do you have the ability to create mental stability and happiness for others. Your actions may have caused others' problems indirectly; however, it is still their responsibility to come to terms with the problems and to learn to cope on their own. If you fail to recognize this assertive right, others may choose to manipulate your thoughts and feelings by blaming you for their problems.
    3. You have the responsibility to not blame others for own your behaviors, actions, feelings, or problems, and to allow others to refuse responsibility.
  11. You have the right to privacy.

    1. You have the right to your own personal space and personal time.
    2. You have the right to take your time to think, decide, or process your emotions.
    3. You have the right to decide when and where you will respond to requests.
    4. You have the responsibility to give others their own personal space and personal time.
  12. You have the right to be independent of other’s approval.

    1. You are ultimately responsible only to yourself, and you must deal with periodic disapproval from others. If you were to require others' approval, you would leave myself open to manipulation. It is unlikely that you require the approval and/or cooperation of others in order to survive. A relationship does not require 100% agreement. It is inevitable that others will be hurt or offended by your behavior at times.
  13. You have the right to put your safety, health, and wellness first.

    1. You have the right to be safe and healthy.
    2. You have the right to do what is necessary to protect your physical and mental health even though this sometimes requires discomforting others.
    3. You have the responsibility to take care of yourself first even if you value helping others, because the more safe and healthy you are, the better you are able to help others.
    4. You have the responsibility to do this in a way that causes the least amount of harm to both myself and others. I have the right to be safe.
  14. You have the right to learn from past experience and adjust your own decisions and actions accordingly.

    1. You have the right to use others’ past actions to inform your own decisions and actions.
    2. You have the right to prepare for others to behave as they have behaved in the past, while understanding that they could potentially behave differently.
    3. You have the responsibility to learn from past experience and deal with the consequences if you don’t.
    4. You have the responsibility to expect others to learn from your past decisions and actions and to adjust themselves accordingly.
  15. You have the right to set and communicate boundaries.

    1. You have the right to make and communicate personal conditions of behavior in the form of “If others do X, then I will do Y.”
    2. You have the right to enforce your boundaries by responding according to the conditions you set.
    3. You have the responsibility to understand that others may cross your boundaries (especially if they have not been communicated) and you will need to choose whether or not to enforce them.
    4. You have the responsibility of understanding that if you do not enforce your boundaries, then they will likely not be respected in the future.
    5. You have the responsibility to not enforce your boundaries by forcing or by threatening to violate others’ rights.
    6. You have the responsibility to allow and expect others to set and enforce their own boundaries.
  16. You have the right to not understand & to say “I don't understand.”

  17. You have the right to not know & to say “I don't know.”

  18. You have the right to not care & to say “I don't care.”

  19. You have the right to love and be loved.

    1. You have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
  20. You have the right to feel good about yourself, your actions and your life.

    1. You have the right to be successful.
    2. You have the right to love and be loved.
  21. You have the right to grow and change.

    1. You have the right to be healthier than those around you.
  22. You have the right to not have your rights violated.

    1. You have the right to dignity and respect, to be treated as an intelligent, capable and equal human being.
    2. You have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.
    3. You have the responsibility to stand up for and assert your rights, which may require informing or educating others of your rights.
    4. If your rights are violated, you have the responsibility to assert your rights while continuing to respect others’ rights. Others violating your rights does not give you the right to violate their rights (except in the case of personal safety).
    5. You have the responsibility to treat others with dignity and respect, to not abuse others, and to not violate others’ rights.

 

 

Eric D. Jackson PhD, Clinical Psychologist
Call: (203) 701-9666

Visit my office at
Mercury Medical Wellness Center
35 Old Tavern Rd, Suite 101
Orange, CT 06417

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Quotes

ONE STEP – Lao-tzu once said this:

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

STEPS – A Chinese proverb once said this:

It is better to take many small steps in the right direction, than to make a giant leap, only to fall down.

HABIT – Mark Twain once said this:

Habit is habit, and not to be, flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs, a step at a time.

HARD WORK – Jack Kerouac once said this:

Look, walking on water, wasn’t built in a day.

CHANGE – Anais Nin once said this:

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.

NOTHING – Winnie the Pooh once said this:

Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.

WAKE UP – Paul Valery once said this:

The best way to make your dreams come true, is to wake up!

Sailing | Eric D. Jackson, Psychologist in Milford & Orange CT

Starting Therapy

It helps to know a little info as you begin the therapeutic process with me. Here are some of the things that can be helpful to know.

  1. People Change – quickly or slowly, by leaps or by steps.

    1. In general, for the most part, people change.
    2. I’m not the same as I was 10 years ago. And you’re likely aren’t the same either. Like, you’ve matured since high school, right?
    3. We are all old, at least older than we were, and have experienced many things, learning more and more each time, even on a daily basis.
    4. In nature, change is the rule: everything is changing and everything is growing. In fact, if it doesn’t change then it’s not alive.
    5. Before coming here, you didn’t know what this would be like, and now you do know what it is like to be here now.
    6. In therapy, I have watched as some of my clients have changed very quickly, within only 1, 2, or 3 sessions, while most have been changing very slowly weekly but consistently.
    7. A few have even changed overnight, while most are changing in very small steps, always headed in the right direction.
  2. People Are Changing – already and keep changing.

    1. In fact most people find that they have already been making changes to improve their life before coming to therapy.
    2. Even the steps you have taken to get here are actually huge! It takes a lot to arrange your life to be here now. Some of the existential persuasion may even say each moment stretching back over your entire life has finally lead up to this very moment. What a feat!
    3. So, I want to congratulate you on taking a detour from the road your life has been on and taking a chance with finding a new path, starting here and leading into your brighter future. 
    4. Why not use this momentum to your advantage, to continue the process of improving, growing, and finding a better way?
  3. How It Works – counterintuitive and doesn’t always make sense.

    1. Oftentimes people don’t understand why or how therapy works. And that’s alright.
    2. Luckily, you don’t need to understand to get better.
    3. If you are surprised to find that you’ve already been changing for the better, then just go with it. Do more of what works.
    4. We may talk about things or I may say things that you don’t understand, that don’t make sense, or that even seem counter-intuitive. That’s ok. When we establish your goals, you can rest assured that whatever I suggest, no matter how curious, is meant to get you closer to your goals in a respectful and compassionate way.
    5. I started my successful and thriving private practice after a bleak period of unemployment. If you think about how your life has changed for the better in the past, you’ll realize that the catalysts, the precursors, the things that led to those changes don’t really make much sense. You couldn’t have possibly understand the impact they would have, and yet they still helped you.
    6. There are many things happening outside of your conscious awareness, too many for you possibly notice, let alone understand. And yet, they are all trying to help you reach some goal.
  4. Know What Works – do it more.

    1. If it works, I mean really works, then keep doing it.
    2. If it doesn’t work, try out a different strategy.
    3. Essential to personal growth is your willingness to experiment, to try out different ways of thinking or acting.
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Self Hypnosis

Here is a general outline for self hypnosis.

  1. Goals: positive, flexible, specific goals to write out or record beforehand.
  2. Comfortable Time & Environment: get comfortable and relaxed.
  3. Induction
    1. Relax: close eyes, relax muscles, etc.
    2. Deep Breaths & Statement: take 3 deep slow breaths, on each exhale say part of your personalized statement
    3. Breathing & Word: pay attention to your natural breathing as you say a calming word on each exhale
    4. Deepening: on each natural exhale, count backward from 10 to 1, interspersed with suggests for deeper state of relaxation, trance, meditation
    5. Imagery: safe place (experiment with different ones)
      1. Go to the safe place
      2. Notice objects that represent safety, relaxation, etc.
      3. Notice each of the senses
        1. What does it look like
        2. What do you hear
        3. What can you smell/taste
        4. What do you feel
    6. Deepening: on each natural exhale, count backward from 10 to 1, interspersed with suggestions for deeper state of relaxation, trance, meditation
  1. General Suggestions: (say or play recording) positive, motivational, goal-directed
    1. Make them positive, flexible, and specific
    2. I’m becoming more and more…
    3. I’m learning to be more and more…
    4. With each day, I’m getting increasingly better at…
    5. I am finding it easier and easier to…
  2. Post-hypnotic Suggestions: (say or play recording)
    1. When I ____ , I can ____.
    2. When I feel an urge to smoke, I can ____.
    3. When I see a cigarette, I can ____.
    4. When I smell a cigarette, I can ____.
    5. When I hear the sound of a lighter, I can ____.
    6. When I feel like I need a break, I can ____.
    7. When I feel the need to put something in my mouth, I can ____.
  3. “Give it up” to your Sub-Conscious/Brain/Body
    1. State your intention for your sub-conscious mind/brain/body to figure out how to make all of this happen
    2. Allow yourself to drift into dream-like state, allowing your mind to do whatever it needs to do (if you start “thinking”, then go ahead and end session)
    3. Wake up when you are ready
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Goal-Setting Worksheet

Goal-setting is an important way to ensure you get what you want in the future. The more comprehensive you are, the more likely you will be to reach your goals. Use the following worksheet to comprehensively set attainable goals.

Goal Evaluation Training (GET)

Example responses are in italics.

Goal:  What are you going to achieve? (Be as specific as possible. State in positive terms. Make it attainable, i.e. not too big.)

To be able to cope better with my anxiety in social situations.

Time:  How long do you hope it will take to achieve?  (Be realistic and give yourself time.)

Within 6 months.

Plan:  What steps are needed to achieve your goal?  (Be as specific as possible.)

  1. Go to therapist weekly
  2. Do relaxation exercises daily
  3. Focus on breathing when I feel anxious

Potential Obstacles:  What things might get in the way of your plan to achieve your goal?

  1. No time, working too much
  2. Forgetting to do things

Plan to Handle Obstacles:  What steps are needed to handle or avert these obstacles?

  1. Do relaxation on lunch break
  2. Wear a rubber band around my wrist as a reminder

Coping with Discouragement & Lack of MotivationWhat are you going to do if you get discouraged or lose motivation?

  1. Get my parents involved to help motivate me
  2. Call my therapist

Recovery Plan:  How are you going to respond to “slips” if you veer away from plan?  What steps would be needed to get back on track if you slip off track?

  1. I won’t just give up.
  2. I won’t feel like 1 slip has ruined everything.
  3. I’ll ask my therapist how to get back on track.
  4. I’ll remember why I’m doing this.

Signs of Success:  How will you know when you are achieving your goal?  What are the first signs that you are being successful? (Be as specific as possible if you can.)

  1. I’ll be going to appointments and doing the exercises daily
  2. I’ll be more comfortable being social, talking to people more
  3. I won’t be focused on my heart rate and my voice with talking to others.

Rewards:  How will you reward yourself when you are successfully achieving your goal?

  1. I’ll tell myself “good job”
  2. I’ve asked my parents to give me praise when I’m improving
  3. I’ll get a pizza at the end of each week that I’ve improved

Reason:  Why are you going to achieve this goal?

Because my anxiety is keeping me from doing important things.

Losses:  What do you stand to lose if you don’t achieve it this time?

I’ll keep avoiding people and end up alone.

GainsWhat do you stand to gain when you are achieving this goal?

I’ll be able to be more social and make friends.

Difference in Your LifeWhat difference will it make in your life when you are achieving this goal?

I’ll have closer and more fulfilling relationships, and I’ll feel better about myself.

Value:  How does this support who you are and who you want to be?  How is this related your ideals?  How is this related to the values important to you in many areas of your life?

I would like to be a better friend and a better person.  Helping people and being a good friend is important to me.  This will help me be a better person, be a better friend, and be a part of society.

Past Experience:  When have you been a little more like this in the past? In what other situations have you been better able to be like this? When have you experienced even a “taste” of your goal? 

I was more like this in college.

Past Achievements:  What important goals have you reached in the past?  What have you achieved?

  1. I stopped smoking
  2. I graduate college

Resources:  Skills, past experience, or support to help you reach your goal.

  1. I am willing to try anything
  2. I am a hard worker
  3. When I set my mind on something, I can do it.
  4. I find support in my religion.

 

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How to Find a Therapist in CT

As a psychologist providing individual counseling and couples therapy in Orange CT (between Milford CT & New Haven CT), I know how difficult it is to find a qualified therapist who suits your needs and personality. So here are some tips to help you find the best local counselor for you.

1. Search Reputable Web Directories

Here are the ones that I have found to be most helpful: Psychology Today, Good Therapy, Network Therapy

You can search by location, specialization, qualification, etc.

2. Try to Find Reviews

Reviews for therapists are difficult to find due to privacy and confidentiality issues. If a local counselor has been reviewed, then the reviews are likely to be found in YellowPages.com or HealthGrades.com, because they allow reviews to be anonymous. It’s probably a good idea to do a Google search for the therapist’s name just to see what you can find on him/her. Use this site if you want to check to make sure they are licensed: CT eLicensing Website

3. Read Profiles & Websites

The web directories will list therapists profiles and links to their websites. These are the primary ways that therapists introduce themselves to prospective clients. So, these are important sources of information about how a therapist thinks. Be prepared for a lot of the info to be the same. For example, most therapists will endorse Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), most will specialize in anxiety and depression, and most will talk about how compassionate or empathetic they are. So, you may have to read between the lines or just get a general feel for the therapists’ approach at communication. In addition, you might be able to find articles from them to get a better idea of what they think. Or you might be able to find a description of their background to get a better idea of where they came from.

4. Consider Costs

  1. Insurance: if you want to use insurance to pay, consider the following.
    1. In-Network Providers: Usually insurance plans cover a larger percentage of the costs of therapists who are in their network, so you only pay a co-pay. If you want to go this route, you’ll need to find a therapist who accepts your insurance, which may be somewhat difficult depending on your plan. If you find an in-network therapist, then they usually submit everything to the insurance company for you.
    2. Out-of-Network Providers: If a therapist does not accept your insurance, then they are considered “out-of-network”. Most insurance plans will reimburse you a percentage of the costs out-of-network therapists, but usually only after meeting a deductible. It’s easier to find a therapist who is out-of-network. If you want to go this route, you usually need to pay their full fee out-of-pocket, then submit claims to get reimbursed.
    3. HSA & FSA: Health Savings Accounts & Flexible Spending Accounts are accounts that you own and can be used to pay for most health-related expenses. Most therapists who accept credit/debit card payments will accept HSA & FSA payments
  2. Sliding-Scale: Most therapists use a sliding-scale to determine fees for very low income clients. If you can provide proof that you are unemployed or have a very low income, check to see if a therapist uses a sliding-scale.
  3. If the costs of therapy are an extreme financial burden, consider shorter sessions or less frequent sessions. Although progress might be slower, many clients see therapists every few weeks or even once a month.

5. Consider Their Qualifications

  1. Doctoral-Level Therapists
    1. MD – Therapists with an MD are medical doctors who are usually called psychiatrists. Although they are the most highly trained, they specialize in medical treatments for mental health, such as medications, and they may or may not provide “talk therapy”. MD’s can prescribe medications.
    2. PhD – Therapists with a PhD are 2nd most highly trained and are considered doctors of psychology (not medical doctors). They specialize in assessing & treating mental health problems using psychological techniques, such as “talk therapy”. In CT, PhD psychologists cannot prescribe medications.
  2. Masters-Level Therapists
    1. LCSW – Licensed Clinical Social Workers
    2. LPC – Licensed Professional Counselor
    3. LMFT – Licensed Marriage & Family Therapists 

See a full list of all the Types of Mental Health Professionals.

6. Other Things to Consider

  1. Your Issues & Their Specializations: Make sure a prospective therapist specializes in the area that you need help with.
  2. Scheduling: Make sure a prospective therapist is accepting new clients and has openings during the times that you’ll be available. For example, some therapists work evenings and weekends, but some do not.

7. Try One Out

Most therapists will offer free phone consultations so you can get a feel for them and their approach. In addition, you may be able to find therapists with low cost initial visits. This is a convenient way to try someone out without much financial risk.

 

 

 

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Welcome

Me | Eric D. Jackson, Psychologist in Milford & Orange CT

You’ve found “Your Peace” on the net, the website of Eric D. Jackson’s private practice. I am a psychologist in Orange CT, near Milford CT & New Haven CT. On the site you’ll find information about me and my practice. Here I’ll post bits and pieces about mental health that will help you find your peace. Enjoy!